Being a therapist is rewarding and challenging; the challenging aspects of our work can take a toll on us personally, which is why it may be wise, at times, to seek therapy. In addition to client work, our training leaves its mark on our everyday functioning and interactions. I have found that the introspection, observation, and attunement that I have developed as a therapist can lead me to overanalyze and experience stressors fully. I am not sure how else to describe this; we therapists see differently. Perhaps some of this is specific to personality type, and perhaps some of it is a result of skills developed within our profession that are difficult to “turn off.”

For this reason, it's commonly accepted that therapists should be in ongoing therapy. I am not sure if I believe in ongoing therapy as a lifestyle, but I do believe that personal work is necessary during therapy training, and that having a therapist on “speed dial” during stressful times is a must. This, of course, means not waiting for a crisis, but becoming intimately familiar with signs that tell you when you are beginning to get worn down, and reaching out for the safe space of therapy.

I have gone to personal therapy over the years, and as a result, I have learned a few things about choosing a therapist that I’d like to share with you today. Here are four tips for finding a therapist:

1| Listen and Act

When you begin to notice signs that you may need support, don’t ignore them. Before you know it, months will go by, and you may not be aware of how your state is impacting your loved ones or your work. Seek support sooner rather than later.

2| Commit

Finding the right therapist may take one week, one month, or longer. Decide that you will continue meeting with therapists for initial sessions until you find the right therapist for you. The right therapist may be obvious in an initial meeting, or may rise above the rest as you reflect on several meetings. There is no one way or right way to choose a therapist; take your time.

3| Keep an open mind

I once had a horrific initial session, during which the therapist read an article to me in order to give me advice; the session felt like a role play rather than an invitation to meaningful conversation. Obviously, this was not the therapist for me, so I moved on.

As I continued my search, I learned that the right therapist for me may practice in a completely different way than I do. I do not need a therapist that holds my therapeutic philosophy or uses my theoretical orientation. It’s true what they say: If the therapist practices authentically, it comes across; and, it turns out, this has been the most important factor for me.

3| Decide what matters most

I let my potential therapist know that I am a therapist, and I do this during the initial inquiry call. For me, it’s important that the therapist I choose have experience working with therapists as clients. I want my therapist to treat me like any other client, but I also want her to be able to consider my situation from a professional and personal perspective. This may not be important to you, but you may have other “musts” for your potential therapist. Be clear on your non-negotiables.

4| Set a time frame and goals

When I go to therapy, my goals are “loose.” My priorities are to process my thoughts and feelings and voice my confusion and uncertainty. Despite my lack of treatment goals, I set a consistent meeting schedule (weekly or every other week), and I commit to attending consistently for a specific length of time. Once I reach the end of my initial time frame, I re-evaluate.

Have some sense of your purpose for attending therapy, such as how you’d like to feel or what you’d like to gain as a result. Being clear about your purpose can keep you focused on the benefits of therapy, foster a view of therapy as a gift you are giving yourself, and allow you to remain reflective about your progress.

Summary

As a therapist, you have knowledge about and views on what therapy is and isn't; this makes you an informed consumer. As an informed consumer, you are able to take your time and be specific about what you are looking for in a therapist as well as what you'd like to gain by going to therapy.

Let's Chat

Let me know in the comments below:

What question do you have about finding a therapist?
What is your #1 tip for therapists on finding a therapist?

How to Keep Your Therapy Communications Secure, While Working Remotely: An Interview with iplum CEO Pankaj Gupta

Pankaj Gupta, CEO of iPlum, joins me for this post. I interview him about iPlum’s mission, the services the company offers, as well as why iPlum is the right fit for therapists in private practice.

If you haven’t already read Part 1 of my partnership with iPlum, see the five benefits of using a HIPAA-compliant phone solution.

5 Ways Vicarious Trauma Can Sneak Up on You as a Psychotherapist

Vicarious trauma is a term that is not unfamiliar to most therapists. Many of us were warned about VT in grad school, have attended self-care workshops that promised to resolve the effects of VT, or have simply resigned ourselves to white-knuckling it through each day. But do you really know how to identify vicarious trauma? Can you pick up on sneaky warning signs that VT is already present in your life?

When You Don’t Want To Do Therapy Anymore: Ten Tips for Rekindling Career Energy, for Therapists Who Are Burned Out

Recently, I published two articles on the topic: Reasons why therapists are leaving the mental health field. In them, I covered ten of the most common reasons therapists are choosing to change their career path. (If you’d like to read those posts, here are the links to part one and part two.)

There are many therapists who are living through challenges in their work and career, and yet have not chosen to, or do not want to, leave the field. If this describes you, then keep reading for ten steps that will help you rekindle some career energy.

Five More Reasons Why Therapists Are Leaving The Mental Health Field

In this post, I continue listing reasons why therapists are considering leaving the mental health field, because there are many. And, if you are one of the therapists considering leaving the field, please know: You are not alone. If you missed the first post on this topic, head here, and read that first.

Five Reasons Therapists Are Leaving the Mental Health Field

Each week, I coach at least one therapist who mentions that they are considering leaving the therapy field. This sentiment seems to have increased among psychotherapists in the past two years with challenges related to COVID (for therapists and clients), including a) sickness, b) working from home, c) relational and family transitions, among others.

Of course, each therapist has their own particular reasons for their desire to leave their profession. Also, from my interaction with thousands of therapists each week, I have noticed several common challenges emerge in conversations about leaving the field.

How to Find and Live The Refreshed Therapist Life

As a clinical supervisor and consultant to therapists, I meet many clinicians who find themselves burned out, bored, or numb after years of showing up for their clients, and neglecting, to some degree, to show up for themselves. The reality of our work is that in order to sustain and enjoy it, we must intentionally deal with the nuances of what it means to function as a therapist inside and outside the therapy room.

As therapists, we have the opportunity to be vocal about the ways we live out the intersection of life and work. Our voices generate more expansive and encouraging conversations that can lead to a sense of flow in navigating our personal and therapist selves.

How To Engage In Social Media Self Care: Eight Steps For Therapists

Social media posting is a must if you’re a therapist marketing a private practice. Even if you’re not a business owner, you may find that your social media is taking up more time than you’d prefer (gentle nudge: How’s your screen time report looking this week?).

Hey—like therapy, this is a judgment-free zone. It is also a “let’s be our best selves” zone. And, to show up as our best selves, self care is essential.

Technology-Assisted Clinical Supervision: Benefits, Challenges, and Regulations

If you’re a clinical supervisor navigating the delivery of supervision right now, you may have encountered some challenges, including state, institutional, and technological limitations. The information I present in this post is intended to encourage the legal and ethical use of technology-assisted (distance) supervision in a variety of settings.

Dr. AnnaLynn Schooley and I recently discussed this subject as it relates to our experiences and our development as supervisors. Dr. Schooley is a LMFT and LMHC in the state of Florida, and carries licenses in additional states. She serves as a supervisor for master and doctoral-level MFT students in her role as professor for Capella University.

Start on Time, End on Time: HOW TO MANAGE Your Private Practice THERAPY Sessions

Whether you’re 6 or 60, there’s one thing everyone hates when going to the doctor; and no, it’s not getting pricked with needles. It’s waiting to get pricked with needles. Your appointment is at 2, but as 2, 2:05, 2:10 rolls by, you ruminate “I had an appointment. If the doctor wasn’t going to be available, why schedule at this time? Apparently, my time isn’t valuable.”

As our lives are perhaps more rushed than ever, waiting for any appointment or meeting is a hassle. However, a tardy counseling session is qualitatively worse than other late meetings. Getting started late is a broken promise in a relationship that needs trust in spades.

The Problem With Loving Your Work: The Role Of Expectations, Wages, and Passion

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the role of work in my life, as well as how I relate to work. This train of thought naturally leads to evaluating how well I am doing engaging with people (and myself) as more than a worker.

How much time and mental energy does my work take from me, or give to me?

How much of my drive and motivation does my work inspire?

These are a few of the questions I am asking in order to continue my mission for myself and other therapists: To live and work well.

Three Ways to Be A Leader Who Lasts

What does it take to be a leader? Thousands of words have been written on the topic. Here’s the truth: there’s no magic formula. But I do suggest three important elements to work on over time: Know yourself, know your purpose, and know your people. How to live that out will differ for every leader and every setting.

Mindfulness Tips for Therapists, for Work and Life

Mindfulness is popular.

You likely have worksheets, lessons, techniques, and theories that help your clients understand mindfulness and its benefits.

You understand mindfulness and its benefits.

But, as we therapists know, sometimes understanding doesn’t foster motivation, or change. The fact is, therapists struggle to implement mindfulness, along with a “self-caring” lifestyle (Kissil and Niño, 2017).

10 Therapist (and Child)-Approved Activities to Support Kids with Anxiety

If you’re a mental health professional working with children, you will probably agree that many of the calls you receive from parents have something to do with anxiety or stress. Child therapists have the amazingly important yet challenging task of educating and supporting kids in a therapeutic setting that is both productive and fun. When working with children as young as preschool age, it can be a very daunting task to keep things fresh and exciting week after week! So, how do we help children develop the coping skills they need while keeping them engaged (and not glancing at their watch)? Here are ten therapist (and child!)-approved, fun activities that address anxiety-based disorders and promote relaxation and stress reduction in children:

The Art and Science of Therapy as Craft, Part 2: Crafting Questions

For this week's video chat, Dr. AnnaLynn Schooley returns to discuss therapy questions as an intentional craft, and she covers four basic question types: single answer, open, closed, relational, and circular.

Therapist Self-Disclosure Simplified

Self-disclosure is a touchy subject among therapists. Some therapists never self-disclose, while others feel stifled by having a rigid boundary around self-disclosure. As I consider self-disclosure in therapy, I ask myself, “When is self-disclosure appropriate?” “How does self-disclosure deepen the therapist-client connection?"

Solution Focused Brief Couples Therapy Tips, with Elliott Connie

Elliott Connie is a Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) practitioner, author, and speaker. He developed an approach to couples work that distills the essence of SFBT into guiding principles for working with couples.

As a therapist who loves working with couples, I am always interested in ways to enhance my couples therapy skills. For this reason, I invited Elliott to explain the reasons why SFBT is his choice for working with clients, as well as how it creates a contrasting experience for couples that have a history in therapy.

Family of Origin Exploration for the Therapist: How to Create Your Genogram

In article three of the Family of Origin for the Therapist series, you learned 3 simple steps for how to begin family of origin (FOO) exploration: 1) read Bowen’s chapter, 2) observe your FOO experience, and 3) reflect on what you learned. Hopefully, your curiosity has led to significant understanding.

Understanding is the foundation of Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST). Bowen (1985) believed that if clients could understand themselves as members of their FOOs and as created by their histories, they could begin and continue significant change.

In today’s post, I offer the next step in developing understanding: Creating your genogram. I explain how to create a basic genogram that you can expand as you continue your exploration.

5 Tips for Keeping Up with Therapy Paperwork

In my interaction with therapists as a mentor and supervisor, I’ve learned that one of the main struggles therapists face is having too much work and not enough time. Many therapists find themselves overwhelmed by documentation responsibilities, in particular; this includes completing client notes, referrals, billing, treatment plans, etc.

In today’s post, I offer several strategies for keeping up with paperwork, so that you can stay on track and avoid the stress of falling behind.

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy Client Types, and Their Relevance To Every Session

In her 1989 article, Of Visitors, Complainants, and Customers, Insoo Kim Berg details three types of “client-therapist relationships” (p. 21). Her wording is significant, because she is not labeling clients; she is describing them in terms of their relationship to the therapist, the process of therapy, and the problem. These three relationships have undergirded Solution-Focused Brief Therapy theory and interventions over the years, although they are not consistently discussed in newer works. The client relationship types are widely applicable to therapy, regardless of theoretical orientation, making them one of the most useful concepts in marriage and family therapy.

In this post, I present a review of these client types, and I explain their relevance to and usefulness for all therapeutic sessions.

How to Ethically Offer Coaching as a Licensed Therapist: A Step-By-Step Guide

One of the most common professional goals for my clients is expanding their private practice to include life coaching services. As professionals with a depth of knowledge in personal development and goal achievement strategies, therapists are ideal candidates for the coaching profession. Despite this near perfect fit, there are some important ethical consideration for therapists when offering coaching services alongside therapy, or when choosing to become professional coaches. In this post, I focus on offering solutions for these complications, in an effort to help you ethically practice coaching.

5 Step Plan for De-escalating an In-Session couple Argument

Most of us, therapists, have been there: A simple disagreement turns into an all-out screaming match in the middle of a therapy session. This is, thankfully, not a common scenario for most therapists, but it’s also not rare--especially for therapists who specialize in couple therapy.

In this post, I cover steps for disrupting an argument occurring in a couple therapy session. Intervention on the part of the therapist is necessary during some conflicts, because the arguments can cause further damage in the couple relationship. And, if therapists allow arguments to continue for too long, they can affect the couple’s sense of safety when in therapy.

The main goals of intervention in this case are to: