In March, I collaborated with Alison Crosthwait on a post titled, Self Care: 4 Signs It’s Time to Take Care of Yourself. In the post, Alison alerted us to four signs it’s time to tune in; they include consistently feeling overwhelmed, bored, irritated, or tired.

After I published the post, a follower on Instagram suggested I write a follow-up to the post on “what to do when you notice those signs.” This post is the follow-up.

Rather than listing “to dos,” I’m giving you a process for how to take care of yourself any time you need a break from busyness or a way to combat burnout. I implemented this idea naturally, as a way to process a distressing event, when I was a young adult. And, I’ve come back to it again and again.

Originally, my respites were longer than 30 days--I remained in a respite until I felt ready to venture out once again. Eventually, 30 days became the length of my average respite. You may find that a weekend, or a one week respite is enough for you.

I am also an introvert, and this is reflected in the way that I practice my respite. If you are an extrovert, in order to restore and re-energize, you may need to concentrate on meaningful social gatherings during your respite. Please take this idea and adapt it to what will work best for you.

The Purpose

The purpose of the personal respite is to give yourself time and space to rest and re-energize (however that looks for you). In addition to needing a respite due to work-related exhaustion, respites can also help you get through periods of grief and personal crisis. In short, the purpose of the respite is to put yourself first, for a time.

Here are the main components of the respite:

1| Rest

As is clear in the definition of the word respite, the focus of this time is to allow yourself to feel relief from whatever is causing you exhaustion or distress. Inherent in relief, is the letting go of burdens, which implies lightness and an opportunity for relaxation.

Therapists often ask me what it means when they’ve lost interest in activities that once energized or were deeply meaningful to them, such as exercise or weekly worship. I can’t speak to what this means for each individual, but in general, I believe it is an indication that it’s time to rest. This means getting enough sleep each night, as well as creating a simplified schedule that allows for reflection.

2| Simplify your schedule

Eliminate non-essentials from your schedule, so that you can spend time listening to what you know about what you need. During one of my respites, part of my ritual was to go to a bookstore every Friday night, choose a book to read, and sit in a comfy chair with a cup of coffee. You are free to set restful rituals that work for you.

Within reason, stop doing things you don’t want to do for this period of time, but also minimize or avoid responsibilities that are not in service to your respite. Allow for “white space” in your schedule in order to fill it with activities that are restorative.

3| Reflect

Essential in a respite is taking time to reflect on events that led to your exhaustion as well as ways to move forward that incorporate mini-respites, when needed. Some questions to ask yourself, include:

How have you been feeling (identify feelings)?
- For how long?
What led you to this place of exhaustion (activities, decisions, responsibilities, etc.)?
What are the first signs evident in your behavior that indicate you need to rest? (tip: If you can’t answer this, ask someone who lives with you.)
- What can you do to rest and refocus when these signs start to appear?

Reflect on what seems relevant to you during your respite, as well as what your respite reveals about the best ways to move out of your respite and into a regular schedule.

Preparation: The Key to A Successful Respite

Of course, in order to be able to surrender to this restful practice, you need support and preparation. Prepare for for a successful respite by doing the following before you begin:

Set boundaries for people and activities.
Block times in your calendar for the respite.
Consider restorative practices you may want to incorporate during the respite; schedule them.
Catch up on extra work, or work ahead, so that you are not worried about things “piling up.”
In addition, ask for support. In order to live this way for a time, those around you will need to understand and partner with you for your success. Inform your significant others of your need for rest as well as your plan. Ask specifically for what you need, such as supportive and affirming comments, grace regarding household chores, a financial plan if what you need is to cut back on work hours, etc.
Make sure those involved in supporting you know that your respite will be for a specific amount of time. This will encourage them to stay the course with you.

Summary Download: Respite Plan + Checklist

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What are your thoughts on the personal respite?

How to Keep Your Therapy Communications Secure, While Working Remotely: An Interview with iplum CEO Pankaj Gupta

Pankaj Gupta, CEO of iPlum, joins me for this post. I interview him about iPlum’s mission, the services the company offers, as well as why iPlum is the right fit for therapists in private practice.

If you haven’t already read Part 1 of my partnership with iPlum, see the five benefits of using a HIPAA-compliant phone solution.

5 Ways Vicarious Trauma Can Sneak Up on You as a Psychotherapist

Vicarious trauma is a term that is not unfamiliar to most therapists. Many of us were warned about VT in grad school, have attended self-care workshops that promised to resolve the effects of VT, or have simply resigned ourselves to white-knuckling it through each day. But do you really know how to identify vicarious trauma? Can you pick up on sneaky warning signs that VT is already present in your life?

When You Don’t Want To Do Therapy Anymore: Ten Tips for Rekindling Career Energy, for Therapists Who Are Burned Out

Recently, I published two articles on the topic: Reasons why therapists are leaving the mental health field. In them, I covered ten of the most common reasons therapists are choosing to change their career path. (If you’d like to read those posts, here are the links to part one and part two.)

There are many therapists who are living through challenges in their work and career, and yet have not chosen to, or do not want to, leave the field. If this describes you, then keep reading for ten steps that will help you rekindle some career energy.

Five More Reasons Why Therapists Are Leaving The Mental Health Field

In this post, I continue listing reasons why therapists are considering leaving the mental health field, because there are many. And, if you are one of the therapists considering leaving the field, please know: You are not alone. If you missed the first post on this topic, head here, and read that first.

Five Reasons Therapists Are Leaving the Mental Health Field

Each week, I coach at least one therapist who mentions that they are considering leaving the therapy field. This sentiment seems to have increased among psychotherapists in the past two years with challenges related to COVID (for therapists and clients), including a) sickness, b) working from home, c) relational and family transitions, among others.

Of course, each therapist has their own particular reasons for their desire to leave their profession. Also, from my interaction with thousands of therapists each week, I have noticed several common challenges emerge in conversations about leaving the field.

How to Find and Live The Refreshed Therapist Life

As a clinical supervisor and consultant to therapists, I meet many clinicians who find themselves burned out, bored, or numb after years of showing up for their clients, and neglecting, to some degree, to show up for themselves. The reality of our work is that in order to sustain and enjoy it, we must intentionally deal with the nuances of what it means to function as a therapist inside and outside the therapy room.

As therapists, we have the opportunity to be vocal about the ways we live out the intersection of life and work. Our voices generate more expansive and encouraging conversations that can lead to a sense of flow in navigating our personal and therapist selves.

How To Engage In Social Media Self Care: Eight Steps For Therapists

Social media posting is a must if you’re a therapist marketing a private practice. Even if you’re not a business owner, you may find that your social media is taking up more time than you’d prefer (gentle nudge: How’s your screen time report looking this week?).

Hey—like therapy, this is a judgment-free zone. It is also a “let’s be our best selves” zone. And, to show up as our best selves, self care is essential.

Technology-Assisted Clinical Supervision: Benefits, Challenges, and Regulations

If you’re a clinical supervisor navigating the delivery of supervision right now, you may have encountered some challenges, including state, institutional, and technological limitations. The information I present in this post is intended to encourage the legal and ethical use of technology-assisted (distance) supervision in a variety of settings.

Dr. AnnaLynn Schooley and I recently discussed this subject as it relates to our experiences and our development as supervisors. Dr. Schooley is a LMFT and LMHC in the state of Florida, and carries licenses in additional states. She serves as a supervisor for master and doctoral-level MFT students in her role as professor for Capella University.

Start on Time, End on Time: HOW TO MANAGE Your Private Practice THERAPY Sessions

Whether you’re 6 or 60, there’s one thing everyone hates when going to the doctor; and no, it’s not getting pricked with needles. It’s waiting to get pricked with needles. Your appointment is at 2, but as 2, 2:05, 2:10 rolls by, you ruminate “I had an appointment. If the doctor wasn’t going to be available, why schedule at this time? Apparently, my time isn’t valuable.”

As our lives are perhaps more rushed than ever, waiting for any appointment or meeting is a hassle. However, a tardy counseling session is qualitatively worse than other late meetings. Getting started late is a broken promise in a relationship that needs trust in spades.

The Problem With Loving Your Work: The Role Of Expectations, Wages, and Passion

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the role of work in my life, as well as how I relate to work. This train of thought naturally leads to evaluating how well I am doing engaging with people (and myself) as more than a worker.

How much time and mental energy does my work take from me, or give to me?

How much of my drive and motivation does my work inspire?

These are a few of the questions I am asking in order to continue my mission for myself and other therapists: To live and work well.

Three Ways to Be A Leader Who Lasts

What does it take to be a leader? Thousands of words have been written on the topic. Here’s the truth: there’s no magic formula. But I do suggest three important elements to work on over time: Know yourself, know your purpose, and know your people. How to live that out will differ for every leader and every setting.

Mindfulness Tips for Therapists, for Work and Life

Mindfulness is popular.

You likely have worksheets, lessons, techniques, and theories that help your clients understand mindfulness and its benefits.

You understand mindfulness and its benefits.

But, as we therapists know, sometimes understanding doesn’t foster motivation, or change. The fact is, therapists struggle to implement mindfulness, along with a “self-caring” lifestyle (Kissil and Niño, 2017).

10 Therapist (and Child)-Approved Activities to Support Kids with Anxiety

If you’re a mental health professional working with children, you will probably agree that many of the calls you receive from parents have something to do with anxiety or stress. Child therapists have the amazingly important yet challenging task of educating and supporting kids in a therapeutic setting that is both productive and fun. When working with children as young as preschool age, it can be a very daunting task to keep things fresh and exciting week after week! So, how do we help children develop the coping skills they need while keeping them engaged (and not glancing at their watch)? Here are ten therapist (and child!)-approved, fun activities that address anxiety-based disorders and promote relaxation and stress reduction in children:

The Art and Science of Therapy as Craft, Part 2: Crafting Questions

For this week's video chat, Dr. AnnaLynn Schooley returns to discuss therapy questions as an intentional craft, and she covers four basic question types: single answer, open, closed, relational, and circular.

Therapist Self-Disclosure Simplified

Self-disclosure is a touchy subject among therapists. Some therapists never self-disclose, while others feel stifled by having a rigid boundary around self-disclosure. As I consider self-disclosure in therapy, I ask myself, “When is self-disclosure appropriate?” “How does self-disclosure deepen the therapist-client connection?"

Solution Focused Brief Couples Therapy Tips, with Elliott Connie

Elliott Connie is a Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) practitioner, author, and speaker. He developed an approach to couples work that distills the essence of SFBT into guiding principles for working with couples.

As a therapist who loves working with couples, I am always interested in ways to enhance my couples therapy skills. For this reason, I invited Elliott to explain the reasons why SFBT is his choice for working with clients, as well as how it creates a contrasting experience for couples that have a history in therapy.

Family of Origin Exploration for the Therapist: How to Create Your Genogram

In article three of the Family of Origin for the Therapist series, you learned 3 simple steps for how to begin family of origin (FOO) exploration: 1) read Bowen’s chapter, 2) observe your FOO experience, and 3) reflect on what you learned. Hopefully, your curiosity has led to significant understanding.

Understanding is the foundation of Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST). Bowen (1985) believed that if clients could understand themselves as members of their FOOs and as created by their histories, they could begin and continue significant change.

In today’s post, I offer the next step in developing understanding: Creating your genogram. I explain how to create a basic genogram that you can expand as you continue your exploration.

5 Tips for Keeping Up with Therapy Paperwork

In my interaction with therapists as a mentor and supervisor, I’ve learned that one of the main struggles therapists face is having too much work and not enough time. Many therapists find themselves overwhelmed by documentation responsibilities, in particular; this includes completing client notes, referrals, billing, treatment plans, etc.

In today’s post, I offer several strategies for keeping up with paperwork, so that you can stay on track and avoid the stress of falling behind.

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy Client Types, and Their Relevance To Every Session

In her 1989 article, Of Visitors, Complainants, and Customers, Insoo Kim Berg details three types of “client-therapist relationships” (p. 21). Her wording is significant, because she is not labeling clients; she is describing them in terms of their relationship to the therapist, the process of therapy, and the problem. These three relationships have undergirded Solution-Focused Brief Therapy theory and interventions over the years, although they are not consistently discussed in newer works. The client relationship types are widely applicable to therapy, regardless of theoretical orientation, making them one of the most useful concepts in marriage and family therapy.

In this post, I present a review of these client types, and I explain their relevance to and usefulness for all therapeutic sessions.

How to Ethically Offer Coaching as a Licensed Therapist: A Step-By-Step Guide

One of the most common professional goals for my clients is expanding their private practice to include life coaching services. As professionals with a depth of knowledge in personal development and goal achievement strategies, therapists are ideal candidates for the coaching profession. Despite this near perfect fit, there are some important ethical consideration for therapists when offering coaching services alongside therapy, or when choosing to become professional coaches. In this post, I focus on offering solutions for these complications, in an effort to help you ethically practice coaching.

5 Step Plan for De-escalating an In-Session couple Argument

Most of us, therapists, have been there: A simple disagreement turns into an all-out screaming match in the middle of a therapy session. This is, thankfully, not a common scenario for most therapists, but it’s also not rare--especially for therapists who specialize in couple therapy.

In this post, I cover steps for disrupting an argument occurring in a couple therapy session. Intervention on the part of the therapist is necessary during some conflicts, because the arguments can cause further damage in the couple relationship. And, if therapists allow arguments to continue for too long, they can affect the couple’s sense of safety when in therapy.

The main goals of intervention in this case are to: