So far, I’ve covered why family of origin exploration is important for therapists, as well as the common fears that accompany facing our parents. If you haven’t yet read these first two articles, please read them before continuing.

In this post, I explain how to begin the process of family of origin (FOO) exploration.

Disclaimer: This process is not linear, nor is it the only way to begin exploring your FOO experience. This is only one method for beginning to understand your family context. The process moves you from understanding to engagement. Understanding on its own is very powerful, but it is even more liberating when it is put into action within relationships.

The following 3 steps will help you get started.

Before beginning this process, please consider the following:

In case you need it, please formalize a supportive relationship to have available during your FOO exploration in the form of a regularly scheduled chat about your new FOO efforts with a friend or colleague. You can also join my Facebook group for ongoing support.
I recommend recording your ideas. Reflecting in writing, in my experience, is the best way to honor your past and present views. Buy a journal, and use it throughout your exploration.
Consider meeting with a well-trained therapist or coach that can support and deepen the impact of this journey

Step 1: Read Bowen's Chapter

If you’d like to begin the process of family of origin exploraiton, then it’s useful to learn more about the process, as well as its originator. Bowen (1972) personally applied his theoretical ideas to his family of origin, and his example sheds light on the benefits and barriers that you may experience.

You can read a portion of Bowen's experience here (for free). You can also learn more about his experience, and the rest of his work, by reading his book, Family Therapy in Clinical Practice.

Step 2: Observe your FOO experience, and See Yourself as a Member of the Family System

Yes, even therapists fall into the trap of telling themselves, “I’m not like them.” But, whatever we are "like" is a result of the systems that have defined us. As you go through this process, be curious about your tendencies, habits, preferences, and see them as connected to your family of origin. Wonder how they may have developed as an acceptance, reaction, or response to family members’ ways of being. Let this be okay.

Seeing ourselves as part of our systems helps us accept our evolving selves, and their many influences. It also bases our exploration in second-order, rather than first order cybernetics--concepts central to systems theory and the practice of family therapy:

First order cybernetics keeps us as observers of the system (in this case, the family system), believing that we can exist and conclude separate from its influence. Second order cybernetics allows us to recognize that even as we observe and analyze, we are influenced by the system, as a member of it (Becvar & Becvar, 1999). We are (and were always) co-participants in our family system.

Step 3: Reflect On What You Learned From Your FOO

To begin this reflection, list at least 5 areas in your life that you’d like to examine. Usually, it’s our dissatisfactions that are the easiest to recognize, such as our emotional reactions, frustrating habits, or relationship patterns. (At the end of this post, you will find a free downloadable list of ideas.)

Analyze each area based on what you learned in general, as well as what you learned from each parent or caretaker. Consider: How does this learning impact you now? How do you believe it has influenced your choices in this area?
As you analyze, journal or record your thoughts. You may find that using childhood and family pictures may help you in your reminiscing.
Attach an experience to each lesson--a memory of when the “teaching” was demonstrated. This will help you put the learning in context, so that you can consider your age, and your family's circumstances at that time.

Summary

These first three steps are about gaining understanding. Understanding is the foundation for developing differentiation of self and initiating relational and self change (Bowen, 1972). In upcoming articles, you will continue to expand on this understanding through learning about your significant family members, as well as your intergenerational family patterns.

I've created a list of 40 ideas to help you complete Step 3 of your FOO exploration. Download here:

Let's Chat

What is one area in your life that you'd like to examine? Let me know in the comments below.

References

Bowen, M. (1985). Family therapy in clinical practice. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.

Becvar, D. S., & Becvar, R. J. (1999). Systems theory and family therapy: A primer. Lanham, MD: University Press of America, Inc.

OTHER POSTS IN THIS SERIES

Family of Origin Exploration for the Therapist: How to Add Relational Dynamics to Your Genogram

Relational dynamics are also referred to as relationship patterns or relationship lines; they are the symbols used on a genogram to connect people, as well as illustrate details about their relationship.

In today's post, I will provide symbols for the five fundamental relational dynamics (closeness, distance, cut-off, fusion/enmeshment, and conflict), and show you how to add them to your genogram.

Family of Origin Exploration for the Therapist: Family Rules and Structure

In article four of the Family of Origin Exploration for the Therapist series, I explain initial steps for creating your genogram. Before adding more detail to your genogram, including relational patterns and dynamics, it's important to explore the family rules and structure of your family of origin, so that you can add the appropriate relational dynamics to your genogram.

Family of Origin Exploration for the Therapist: How to Create Your Genogram

In article three of the Family of Origin for the Therapist series, you learned 3 simple steps for how to begin family of origin (FOO) exploration: 1) read Bowen’s chapter, 2) observe your FOO experience, and 3) reflect on what you learned. Hopefully, your curiosity has led to significant understanding.

Understanding is the foundation of Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST). Bowen (1985) believed that if clients could understand themselves as members of their FOOs and as created by their histories, they could begin and continue significant change.

In today’s post, I offer the next step in developing understanding: Creating your genogram. I explain how to create a basic genogram that you can expand as you continue your exploration.

Family of Origin Exploration for the Therapist: 3 Steps for How to Begin

So far, I’ve covered why family of origin exploration is important for therapists, as well as the common fears that accompany facing our parents. If you haven’t read these first two articles, please read them before continuing.

In this post, I explain how to begin the process of family of origin (FOO) exploration.

Family of Origin Exploration for the Therapist: How To Overcome Your Fears

Although I am writing this series for therapists, the truth is, when it comes to facing our families, just as when it comes to our personal change, we are only human--we are the same as our clients. This is one of the benefits of our own family of origin (FOO) exploration: We can confidently ask clients to examine their histories, because we have, and we know what it takes.

Family of Origin Exploration for The Therapist: Why it Matters, and Its Benefits

In today’s post, I explain how I learned about and implemented family of origin (FOO) exploration and its resulting impact on my relationships. I also present background on the idea of FOO exploration for therapists, as well as its benefits.

10 Therapist (and Child)-Approved Activities to Support Kids with Anxiety

If you’re a mental health professional working with children, you will probably agree that many of the calls you receive from parents have something to do with anxiety or stress. Child therapists have the amazingly important yet challenging task of educating and supporting kids in a therapeutic setting that is both productive and fun. When working with children as young as preschool age, it can be a very daunting task to keep things fresh and exciting week after week! So, how do we help children develop the coping skills they need while keeping them engaged (and not glancing at their watch)? Here are ten therapist (and child!)-approved, fun activities that address anxiety-based disorders and promote relaxation and stress reduction in children:

The Art and Science of Therapy as Craft, Part 2: Crafting Questions

For this week's video chat, Dr. AnnaLynn Schooley returns to discuss therapy questions as an intentional craft, and she covers four basic question types: single answer, open, closed, relational, and circular.

Therapist Self-Disclosure Simplified

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Solution Focused Brief Couples Therapy Tips, with Elliott Connie

Elliott Connie is a Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) practitioner, author, and speaker. He developed an approach to couples work that distills the essence of SFBT into guiding principles for working with couples.

As a therapist who loves working with couples, I am always interested in ways to enhance my couples therapy skills. For this reason, I invited Elliott to explain the reasons why SFBT is his choice for working with clients, as well as how it creates a contrasting experience for couples that have a history in therapy.

5 Tips for Keeping Up with Therapy Paperwork

In my interaction with therapists as a mentor and supervisor, I’ve learned that one of the main struggles therapists face is having too much work and not enough time. Many therapists find themselves overwhelmed by documentation responsibilities, in particular; this includes completing client notes, referrals, billing, treatment plans, etc.

In today’s post, I offer several strategies for keeping up with paperwork, so that you can stay on track and avoid the stress of falling behind.

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy Client Types, and Their Relevance To Every Session

In her 1989 article, Of Visitors, Complainants, and Customers, Insoo Kim Berg details three types of “client-therapist relationships” (p. 21). Her wording is significant, because she is not labeling clients; she is describing them in terms of their relationship to the therapist, the process of therapy, and the problem. These three relationships have undergirded Solution-Focused Brief Therapy theory and interventions over the years, although they are not consistently discussed in newer works. The client relationship types are widely applicable to therapy, regardless of theoretical orientation, making them one of the most useful concepts in marriage and family therapy.

In this post, I present a review of these client types, and I explain their relevance to and usefulness for all therapeutic sessions.

How to Ethically Offer Coaching as a Licensed Therapist: A Step-By-Step Guide

One of the most common professional goals for my clients is expanding their private practice to include life coaching services. As professionals with a depth of knowledge in personal development and goal achievement strategies, therapists are ideal candidates for the coaching profession. Despite this near perfect fit, there are some important ethical consideration for therapists when offering coaching services alongside therapy, or when choosing to become professional coaches. In this post, I focus on offering solutions for these complications, in an effort to help you ethically practice coaching.

5 Step Plan for De-escalating an In-Session couple Argument

Most of us, therapists, have been there: A simple disagreement turns into an all-out screaming match in the middle of a therapy session. This is, thankfully, not a common scenario for most therapists, but it’s also not rare--especially for therapists who specialize in couple therapy.

In this post, I cover steps for disrupting an argument occurring in a couple therapy session. Intervention on the part of the therapist is necessary during some conflicts, because the arguments can cause further damage in the couple relationship. And, if therapists allow arguments to continue for too long, they can affect the couple’s sense of safety when in therapy.

The main goals of intervention in this case are to: